


Doctor, Doctor

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Children, Drama, F/M, Family, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-01-30
Updated: 2008-01-30
Packaged: 2019-05-31 09:24:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15116492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: "I'm really too old to be surprised.  It may be an emotion that goes away after 50."





	Doctor, Doctor

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

  
Author's notes: This coupling is talking faster than I can write. Who knew I would get such a kick out of this?  


* * *

“You look like hell.”

“Thank you; that’s what I was going for. It’s all the rage on the Paris runways.”

“Seriously. Are you alright?”

Dr. Jason Murphy sat across from Toby in the former’s Columbia University office. He studied his colleague’s exhausted features while Toby rubbed his eyes. He hated analysis but what else could he expect. Jason was a psychologist.

“Tori is afraid of her closet right now so she has been crawling into bed with her mother and I. She is a kicker.”

“Ah, that explains so much.”

“I told Ellie that I think we should have a talk with her; get her used to her own room. It will be hers for some time to come.”

“What did Ellie say?”

“Nothing. She is in a mothering mood at the moment, or should I say smothering.”

“How long has this been going on?” Jason asked, sipping his tea.

“Tori has been with us most nights for about two weeks. She will start out in her room but in an hour or so, she comes into our room. I don’t have to tell you what its doing to…you know.”

“Why don’t you anyway?”

“I would really prefer not to.” Toby replied, now rubbing his forehead.

“You brought it up Toby, not me. Do you think Ellie is encouraging, or should I say nurturing Tori’s behavior to avoid sex with you?”

Toby shut his eyes tight. Why hadn't he canceled seeing Jason this afternoon? He really did not want to talk about this. Maybe he needed to but was positive he did not want to.

“I don't know.” He mumbled.

“When is the last time you made love?”

“Three weeks ago, tomorrow. It was fucking amazing.”

“Isn't it always?” Jason asked.

“Yes. Can we not talk about this?”

“What do you want to talk about?”

“Molly is coming next weekend. I am really looking forward to it. I'm not happy with the once a month arrangement because I feel like I miss too much of her life. However, I am happy that when she is with us, she is not distant anymore. If that’s because once a month is better for her right now then I have to live with that.”

“Do you talk to her when she is in Baltimore with her mother? Andi is remarried now, right?”

“She married Roger about a month ago. I call Molly twice a week but…she is not like Huck. With him, I can just be me. I don’t even know because he is only ten years old but Huck knows me, and believe me, that’s scary. I feel like I can't say anything right with Molly. I say nothing funny, witty, or anecdotal. Most of the time when I'm on the phone with her I feel as if I am talking to myself. Sometimes I think it was easier when I was alone. God, strike that…I should have never said it.”

“Alright.” Jason nodded.

“I love my family. I adore my wife and even though kids are tough to understand and know, my life without Huck, Molly, and Tori would be empty. I wasn’t happy then and I am now. Not all the time but I don't think I want to be happy all the time.”

“Why?”

“I wouldn’t be Toby Ziegler. Do you think Ellie and I got married too soon?”

“What do you think?”

“I think I want a straight answer out of you tonight.” He said.

“I don’t know anything about her except what you tell me. Why haven’t you properly introduced her to your friends?”

“I don’t have any friends.”

“That offends me, seriously, it offends me. Toby, your colleagues here like you. I know; it shocks the hell out of me too. Why don’t you do something with them? Why don’t you, and Ellie, create a social circle for yourselves? You two may be suffering from being alone too much. Join a cooking class, a book club, have a dinner party, go to a party. Be with other couples and react to each other in a social setting. Does Ellie have friends?”

Toby knew that Dan was her best friend. She talked about Dr. Ben and Lily from the Medical Center. He heard the name Caroline more than once. Suddenly, he wondered whom she hung out when she and Vic were married. Did she still see any of those people? If she did, or even wanted to, why didn’t he know? Was it her relationship with him that made her more reclusive? Toby did not want to be responsible for that. She was still young, vibrant; she should enjoy herself if she wanted to.

“I don’t want her to lose her luster for life because I have.” Toby said.

“You haven't. You just need to get back in the swing. You are brilliant, funny, and fascinating man. I'm not just saying that because I find you attractive. I just…”

“You find me attractive?”

“Yes. Because you are brilliant, fascinating, and funny. I also like your eyes. Are you weirded out?”

“I'm flattered.” Toby stumbled, meaning it. “This wasn’t supposed to happen to me.”

“What?” Jason asked. “Life?”

“Jason, I am 57 years old. I'm a professor who would be content to sit with my face in a book for hours. I am no social butterfly and that suits me. I don’t want to be bothered by things and contrary to our twice monthly conversations; my personal musings are not available for public scrutiny.”

“And you say that to say what…?”

“I'm a newlywed. My wife deserves more I think.”

“That’s a question better answered by Ellie.”

“Then why are we talking?”

Jason smirked. That was a question he asked on almost every occasion they were together. That did not seem to stop him from coming. It could not just be the hot coffee and the couch.

“You are having the same problems a lot of husbands and fathers do. You have to keep the lines of communication open. Tell her what you tell me…tell her what you can't tell me.”

“Tell her I want Tori to sleep in her own room.”

“For sex?” the doctor asked.

“No.” Toby shook his head. “So I can hold my wife and get a good night’s sleep. I'm old; I need a good night’s sleep. I am exhausted and have a night class tonight.”

“Yeah.”

“So, talk to my wife.”

“Not just that Toby. You two need to start building a life together, bringing the best of both your worlds together. Outlets, time with the kids, time alone, even time apart. You two are still getting to know each other better. Have fun with it.”

“Like naked Twister fun or 20 Questions fun?” a smile broke across Toby Ziegler’s face.

“I will let you make that decision. Spend an afternoon doing something she loves; it will be your turn the next time. Play ‘I Never’ or word association games. Spontaneously tell her a story from your childhood. Did you know that both of you have pages on Wikipedia?”

“Sam told me that. I didn’t believe him so I had to look it up.”

“Don’t become Wikipedia pages to each other. Enjoy your marriage and the joy life has to offer. Start as soon as you can.”

“We do that. I just think the recent news about not being able to…I just think we've had some setbacks.”

“Get back on the horse.” Jason said. “Ellie makes you happy, that’s the most important thing. Still, I think you're old enough to know that compromise and malleability are essential to a lasting relationship.”

“What if I'm too old to be malleable?” the former Communications Director asked.

“You're never too old. Follow your gut…its gotten you this far.”

Toby’s gut has not always been good to him. That was going to have to be his parting thought; he had to get back to prepare for class. He needed to call home to check on the kids. Ellie worked late tonight too so Annie was sitting with them. She was having her new friend Jana over…she was in the Literature program Annie would be joining in the spring. Toby Ziegler had a real life family. The importance of that was starting to sink in.

“Thank you for staying late tonight, Jason.”

“You know that its not a problem.” He stood and so did Toby. “Shall I pencil you in for two weeks from tonight?”

“You probably should, at least midterms will be over then.”

“Good. Call me in between time if you need anything.”

He always said that, though in the four years Toby had been coming to his office, he used that advice a handful of times. One of which was when he got it in his mind to propose to his wife. He wanted Jason to assure him that he was not being an irrational old fool. Based on the fact that he and Ellie were married now, Jason’s answer was clear. The two professors shook hands and Toby headed back across the building to his own office. He would make it just under the wire.

***

“It is altogether possible that I could be using my daughter’s monster issues to avoid making love to my husband. Its not entirely out of the realm of possibility.”

“Why don't we talk about that a little, Ellie?”

“Suddenly, I am just paranoid. Before I wanted nothing more than to get pregnant and it was not happening. Now I am afraid it will. Petrified, actually.”

“There is a solution for that.” Dana said.

Ellie nodded, sinking deeper into the very comfortable couch. She took a deep breath and inhaled the scent of raspberry incense. Dana’s office always smelled so soothing.

“I can't Dana…I just can't right now. If I have the tubule ligation, it will be so final. I mean I am a doctor, a very rational being. Yet here I sit with some off-handed fantasy that I could get a miracle.”

Dana nodded, sipping her tea.

“You could just go back on birth control for now, Ellie. That is something to think about. What about Toby? Has he looked into vasectomy? Many men his age have the procedure… it is quite simple.”

“Toby is very attached to his gonads.”

“I'm sure. The procedure will not cause him to lose them. No pressure, just something to think about.”

Ellie nodded, feeling pressure anyway. She didn’t say anymore about it.

“Tell me what's happening? Its been a long time since we've seen each other regularly. Tell me more about Toby.”

“Well, you know who he is, right?”

“I do, but I want you to tell me about him.”

“He is…fantastic. I think he always has been. It would not be untruthful to say that I've had a crush on him since the first time we met. That was fifteen years ago next week. No,” Ellie shook her head. “Crush is too simplistic a word. I just felt as if we were connected somehow, kindred. Anyway, I spent so many years that my father was President avoiding the White House. I didn’t get a chance to see Toby very often. Except…”

“Except?”

“It happened just once; we had an encounter. It was one of the most intriguing nights of my life. Toby is full of passion, Dana. I guess that is some of the reason I feel guilty for keeping him at arm’s length right now.”

“Is he only passionate in bed?”

Ellie smirked at the question. Toby could get passionate about Cheerios if you let him. She saw him make so many arguments, for and against things, with equal zeal. On their honeymoon, she drew him into a discussion on the six wives of Henry VIII. They played off of each other for hours.

“Toby is passionate about so many things. I love that about him; it has never changed. I love him wholly Dana, and…”

“What is it?” Dana asked.

“I guess a baby would have completed that.” Ellie shook her head. “No, that’s silly. That’s just silly. How can I say on the one hand that I love him wholly while on the other crave something more?”

“When did you decide that you wanted to have a baby? You two have only been married about three months. You’ve been in a relationship for less than a year.”

“Do you think we rushed into marriage?” Ellie asked, worry etched across her face and in her hazel eyes. She sat up straighter on the couch waiting for the answer.

“Do you?” Dana countered.

“Could you just answer me for once?”

An enigmatic smile crossed the older woman’s features. All these years later, all her successes and triumphs, and Eleanor Bartlet still sought approval. Elder approval mostly. Dana wondered if she sought it from her husband as well. 

“Let us go back to the pregnancy issue for a moment.”

“I don’t think we rushed, for the record. I love him so much and I want to spend every moment I have left on this Earth as his wife. Anyway, I'm not sure I want to talk about the pregnancy anymore.” she said. “Maybe it would be easier for me to get past it if I stopped rehashing it.”

“What a good attempt at self-diagnosis. You know that’s not true. You can't move past it until you know why it was so important to you…is important to you. Tell me when you first thought about starting a family with Toby.”

“I don't know really.” Ellie shrugged. “Um, he had a bug in the spring and stayed with us while he recuperated. One night he asked me if I missed Vic. It was the first time he had ever really asked me about him. I realized we never discussed my marriage; the subject made me uncomfortable. I told Toby that Vic and I had discussed having another baby before I got too old. I didn’t think it was something I wanted to do alone…I just worked too much. I had Tori and did my best but didn’t think I was able to handle being the single mother of two small kids. Toby told me that I was not alone.”

“Did he? How did that make you feel?” Dana asked.

“Exhilarated but frightened. He was making a big commitment with that statement. We got into a spat about it. Nothing serious but I put a stop to the conversation. When he proposed he said he wanted to be a father to Tori and other kids if I wanted to have them.”

“So you want to have a baby for him?”

“I don’t think that’s accurate.” Ellie replied.

“Alright, fair enough. Tell me what you mean then.”

“I want to have a baby with him, not for him.”

“I understand. And he is the father of twins, right?”

“Huck and Molly.” Ellie said, smiling. “His ex-wife is their mother. Toby and Andi have been divorced since 1999 and still were when she got pregnant. I am not privy to the circumstances behind the conception, and I don’t think I want to be. I do know that he spent the whole nine months trying to woo her back; Zoey used to give me Team Toby updates. That’s what the gang called themselves. Andi dangled hope in front of him like water to a man dying of thirst but eventually she told him that it would never be.”

“That’s your gain.”

Ellie nodded though she did not seem to be in the room. She sighed before sipping her lukewarm Earl Grey tea.

“She dangles Huck and Molly too; just as she did reconciliation. Maybe not Huck anymore because he is living here with us, but certainly Molly. Toby already worries about his ability to father his daughter from a distance and Andi just…I think she enjoys it. As long as she is their mother, she will always have a piece of Toby. I love his kids but I hate that.”

“So perhaps if you have a child you can get that part of him back.”

“I knew you were going to say that. I could have scripted this exercise.”

“So, are you going to tell me I'm wrong? I can handle that.”

“Of course I've thought about it. Honestly, I have never thought about in exactly that way until I said it all aloud. I hate the hold she has over him and I know it is only because of their children. I am no better than she is, am I? Wanting to have a baby to keep Toby, even subconsciously, is ridiculous. He will stay with me because he loves me.”

“Yes, he will.”

“I need to talk to him about this. Not all of this, just the good parts. He doesn’t even know that I see a psychiatrist.”

“Hmm. Why not?”

“It hasn’t come up yet.”

“So, you expect him to eventually get around to asking you are you now or have you ever been under the care of a mental health professional.”

“No.” Ellie laughed. “We have time to talk about everything. Its not a secret, Dana, just something we haven’t gotten around to yet.”

Dana nodded. She looked at her watch; time was winding down on their session. She got up from the chair, going to the desk to check her appointment book.

“Ellie, do you want to come back next week or in two?”

“Definitely next week.”

“Alright. Over the next seven days, I am prescribing quiet time with your husband. Let him get passionate with you. Put Tori back in her bed and slay those monsters. Also, I think you two should get out more.”

“What do you mean?” Ellie took the appointment card before sliding into her coat.

“Well, you’ve been in the madly in love cocoon and the newlywed bubble for a combined total of ten months. Its time to let the outside world in on your adventure. Integrate your friends back into your life. Separately and as a couple.”

“So, we spend too much time together?”

“Perhaps. I know that you are a homebody and Toby seems to prefer the pleasure of your, and his own, company. Friends are fun, even if its only occasionally. It gives you another glimpse at your partner and your relationship. Just think about it.”

“I will. Thanks so much Dana.”

“Have a good week.”

***

“Hey.”

“Hi there.” Ellie smiled, accepting his kiss. “Did you eat something? Was class good?”

Toby taught a Constitutional Law seminar this semester. It was one of his favorite courses. Seventeen students were signed up this time around and they were all anxious to be in the presence of the once great Toby Ziegler. He got such an adrenaline rush when he held their attention for two and a half hours. He needed the rush tonight not to fall asleep midway tonight.

“I had a bit of the egg salad in the fridge. It was good.”

“Your son made it.”

“Huck?”

“Mmm hmm. Another kiss please?” she requested, tilting her chin.

Her husband grinned, giving her what they both wanted. As he closed the bedroom door to undress, Toby noted the absence of a family member.

“Where is the munchkin?” he asked, hanging his tie inside the closet door.

“Sounds asleep in bed. Annie told me that she and Huck had a conversation about monsters over dinner and that it went very well. When I gave her a bath tonight, she said she would be fine. I told her that if she was afraid that she could always come into mommy and daddy’s room.”

Toby was daddy; he really liked that.

“What did she say?”

“She looked at me quite seriously and said ‘I have it all under control mommy but thanks. Don’t worry about me.’”

“I'm proud of her Ellie, facing her fears. My kidneys are happy too…one more kick and they would have left me in protest. How was your day?”

“Alright. I have meetings on Friday evening so I won't be home until after eight.”

Toby nodded, throwing on a CCNY tee shirt over his boxers. He went to kiss the kids goodnight. Sure enough, the five year old was sleeping under her Dora the Explorer comforter, clutching her favorite baby doll. He kissed her forehead and she didn’t even stir. In Huck’s room, he found his son asleep but still holding a comic book. 

There was also a new poster over his bed…Einstein with his tongue out. Yeah, that was so Huck. His father managed to pry the magazine out of his hands without waking him. Another goodnight kiss and Toby left the room. Alone at last, he thought when he was with Ellie again.

“Hey there Professor, why don’t you come over here and relax. I know you must be exhausted.”

Toby grinned as he moved over to their bed. Resting against the mound of pillows, Ellie loved pillows, he took his wife into his arms and the New York Times crossword puzzle from her hands. 

“Fungus.” He said. “Six letter word for mushroom.”

Ellie laughed, kissing him.

“It was unclear if we would ever be alone in here again.” she said.

“I figured Tori would outgrow monsters at least by her tenth birthday.”

“Yeah. Its good to see you.”

“I feel like we've been apart.”

“Me too.”

Their kisses were passionate. Ellie pulled him closer, running her hands through the back of his hair, down the nape of his neck, and across his back. He wanted her so much but he wanted to hold her close even more. That was what he did; Toby got under the covers and held his wife close.

“Tell me what you did today.” Toby said.

“I started injecting rats with a stimulant that might one day slow the effects of everything from Alzheimer’s to Parkinson’s disease. Dr. Ben asked me to co-write the ALS paper he is working on and that was exciting. Its going to be in the New England Journal of Medicine. Zoey and I talked; she wants to come and visit with Jed next week. I um…I saw my therapist tonight.”

“What did you two discuss?”

“Toby?”

“Yes, sweetheart?”

“I saw my therapist tonight.” She repeated. “You know, my psychiatrist.”

“Yeah. Did you think that you seeing a therapist would disturb me?”

“I at least thought it would surprise you.” Ellie replied, thumping his arm.

“I'm really too old to be surprised. It may be an emotion that goes away after 50.”

“I don’t think so.”

“55 perhaps.” Toby held her closer. “Ellie, if seeing a psychiatrist and being able to talk in an environment that makes you feel safe is good for you, then it is good for me. I have a friend named Jason Murphy and sometimes I talk to him.” Toby could not believe that he told her. It was actually the first time he called Jason a friend. The statement was true…he was one of the good guys. Perhaps seeing him once in a while outside the boundaries of Fantasia, or Columbia University, would not be an agonizing event. “It gives me clarity.”

“That is a nice feeling. Almost as nice as being in your arms tonight. I think I may have been using Tori to avoid this.”

“This bliss? Why?”

“The pregnancy snowball got out of control. I don't know if I want to have a baby, Toby. I mean that figuratively, of course.”

“Alright.”

“That’s it?”

“Should I say something else?”

“Toby!” she exclaimed, sitting up.

“So the answer to that is yes.” He replied.

Sitting Indian style beside him, Ellie let out a sound of frustration, gently pummeling her husband’s chest and stomach with her fists. Then she laughed.

“It was me, wasn’t it? I created all of this madness?”

Toby figured he would do a better job answering if he knew exactly what she was talking about.

“When you were sick in the spring you hinted that you would be a father to my child. You did the same when you proposed.”

“Yeah.” Toby nodded.

“I took it to mean something we should do. I thought if we had a baby…” her voice trailed off. 

Toby took both of her hands. Ellie smiled as an auburn curl fell over her forehead. He knew what this was about, he thought he knew, but he certainly did not intend to be a know-it-all and just blurt it all out.

“Lets just say that our family is terrific just as it is.” he said. “An addition is something to consider but we should do it for the right reasons. It is not contingent upon our happiness. I want to be a father if you want to be a mother. I think there was just a miscommunication. I'm sorry if I had any hand in it.”

“Its alright.” Ellie smiled. “We are going to have to discuss birth control. Yes, I know it’s a little late but I just don't want to take the risk of getting pregnant.”

Toby leaned over, pulling open the nightstand drawer. He pulled quite a large box of condoms. The sight of them brought melodious laughter from his wife.

“Damn Professor, were they lining up around the corner before you got married?”

“Well I don’t like to brag…”

“Yeah right.”

“Every man should have these, whether they engage in regular sex or not. There are still 36 in this box; I only opened it to feel like less of a loser.”

“You are not a loser Toby Ziegler. Did you really do that?”

“Mmm hmm. I have no problem using these Ellie, especially if it gives you peace of mind.”

“Yeah.” She nodded. “But Dana does think I need to consider something more permanent. I just…”

“Hey now,” Toby put his finger on her lips. “You don’t have to talk about that now. We will soon, I promise, but it doesn't have to be tonight.”

“Do you think you would like to share with me the things you discuss with your friend Jason?” Ellie asked.

“Yeah. Just not at the moment. At the moment, I am going to make love to my wife.” He started unbuttoning her pajama top. “Its going to be slow, its going to be sexy, and dammit it is going to be safe.”

He held up the condom and Ellie laughed. She wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him. Her kisses drove Toby mad with desire. Three weeks was like an eternity without her. His renewed sex life was very exciting for him. He was mad about Ellie…all of her. Toby loved her mind, her spirit, her smile, her worries, her body, and her soul. He never wanted that feeling to go away.

“I love you, my dearest husband.”

“I have no idea how I got so lucky this late in the game. I love you too Eleanor, and I desire you.”

“Mmm, it is going to be a very nice night.”

Toby nodded, throwing the covers over them and letting Ellie have her way with him. Never had giving up control been such a magnificent experience. He planned to do it more often.

“Oh Ellie, you should have that patented. I swear to God.”

She chuckled, cuddling in his arms and kissing his heartbeat. She also made a mental note never to go three weeks without feeling her husband’s hands on her body. Toby slowly regained his ability to breathe as his body drifted back to Earth.

“I'm sure I'm not your first, Professor Ziegler.” She replied.

“No comment.” He laughed. “You are by far the best. Of that I am certain.”

“I think advanced age may have caused you to forget all other dalliances.”

“Dalliances, that’s a nice word for it. You are amazing love and it has nothing to do what just happened in this bed. I love you.”

Ellie kissed him, falling asleep with those words echoing in her mind and her husband’s arms secure around her. Toby lay staring at the ceiling, thinking of his conversation with Jason tonight. He eventually fell asleep too, content they were on the right path. The couple slept uninterrupted through the night.

***


End file.
